Friday, January 7, 2011

Grab the Phone--Mom's Sick!


    The alarm blares, and Mom keeps her eyes shut as she registers her condition.  Head pounding, breath compromised, stomach creeping into places it doesn’t belong.

 She pops upright in her bed and shoves her husband’s shoulder.

 “Get up, honey, and grab the phone.  I’m sick!

 “First, call a chauffeur so the kids can get to school, soccer practice, karate, and violin.

 “No wait—first you’ll need the stylist to get everyone dressed and hair combed. So call her first, then the chauffer.

 “Dial a substitute preschool teacher to practice colors and letter sounds with the three year old throughout the day.  Since the teacher will be busy with her, a babysitter can take care of the toddler.  Her number’s seventh on the list, I think.  Make sure to find the pediatrician’s number and program it into speed dial, just in case someone gets hurt or starts coughing.

 “Someone call the back-up chef for meals and the baker for snacks.  I almost forgot the janitor—a janitor to keep the floor clear of toys, shoes, backpacks and papers.  Might as well find a substitute dishwasher and laundry person to ease the burden.” 

 She pulls a tissue from the nightstand and brings it to her nose.  After a wipe and a sniffle she pauses for a minute, eyes staring at the ceiling. “Okay, I think that will take care of everything.”

 “But dear—”

 “No wait! You’re also going to need an etiquette specialist to make sure the kids mind their manners.  And a tutor to help everyone with their homework.  I think it’d be a good idea to also find a mediator to settle all the arguments and tantrums.

 “An actor to properly read stories, a coach to organize and play games, a planner to jot everything down that doesn’t get done today that will need to be done tomorrow.”

 She relaxes, and her head almost makes it to the headboard before she straightens again.  “And a courier or a delivery person or something—anyone who can be trusted to make a run to the grocery store for things we’re running low on.”

 She takes a deep, nose-clogged breath and pulls the blankets to her chin. Now she’s pretty sure everything is covered for the day.  Her husband leans across the bed, kisses her cheek and gazes into her eyes.  Mom smiles, but anxiety ticks at her nerves.

 “You should hurry. You have calls to make.”

 “But sweetheart,” her husband whispers.  “It’s Saturday.  I’ll be home. I can take care of everything.”

 Laughter triggers a coughing fit, and she wraps her arms around her man.  Grateful for his confidence, she leans back and cups his face in her hands. 

“In that case, you can leave out the call to the chauffeur.”


2 comments:

  1. Tanya! I LOVE it! I'm excited to find your blog! I hope everything is going well for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's really funny-don't we do it all though?

    ReplyDelete